THE FREEDOM I DON’T WANT

I’m free to do what I want:

I can work as late as I can.

I don’t have to get up in the morning so early anymore,

because you’re not here.
I have a lot of me-time now.

I can spend all my time with your dad

from the time when he finally arrives home

until we retire to bed for the night.
This may be freedom,

but it’s freedom unwanted,

because I miss you so,

and I realize now

how much my life evolves around you …

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LETTER FROM THE HEART

By me, you live.
I help you breathe.
Without me, there is no tomorrow.
I work so hard
just to keep us alive
day and night without complaining.

Why then do you use me as a rubbish bin,
stuffing me with trash,
like hatred, bitterness, and jealousy —
all kinds of rubbish that shorten your life
and make you do bad things to your relationships?

Please take better care of me?
Show me the respect I deserve.
Do everything you can to protect me from breaking.

Yours faithfully
Your Heart

ON THE RUN

You hurt me with your careless insults.
They cut through me like a knife.
Like nails they were driven into my heart and soul.
So I went to live in the woods
to make it easier for me to forget
the hurt, and all the things you said.

You’ve done me wrong
by killing someone I loved.
I play the records you’ve engraved into my mind
over and over again every day.
So I went to live in a country
far away from danger, from harm,
from you and people like you.

I want to cut tighs
with you who criticise me so often
on every single thing I say or do.
I swear, if you could read my mind,
you’d probably criticise or have a problem
with my every thought, my every intention.
Therefore I live my life
aside from yours, away from you …

Feelings, oh feelings!
Who can escape your presence?
Who can pretend as if you never have to be dealt with?

Who can be so foolish to think
that one can go on the run
without carrying you in the heart
until one dares to search
for the place where you were conceived?

INSOMNIA

I’m lying awake in the middle of the night
with so many things on my mind
all at the same time.
Just like school children talking at once,
hoping to get the teacher’s undivided attention.

Wait children! Wait!
We all have a story,
but everything happened once upon a time,
not twice together!

Like someone in a library scanning books,
looking for something interesting to read,
I scan through the shelves of my mind,
looking for a thought worth focusing on,
and the one about you is the one I retrieve.

You with your blue eyes,
your calm voice,
your traumatised soul …
Is it a sin for me
to want to pull you closer,
just to reassure you:
everything’s gonna be okay,
although I really don’t know for sure.

I want to do to you
exactly as one song says:
tell you sweet little lies
to take the pain away.
But the thing is that you’d know
I’m just lying to make you feel better.
After all, you’re no kid anymore …

I can’t sleep …
I can’t sleep!
You’re on my mind now,
all the time,
non-stop,

and the thought of you
brings many tears to my eyes,
because I hate seeing you like this.
I have insomnia tonight …
I’m wasted … for you …

GLUE

«wARNING!!! THE CONTENT OF THIS POEM IS NOT FOR THE OVERLY SENSITIVE, CLOSED-MINDED, OR SELF-RIGHTEOUS!!!

All the time I spent in holy matrimony with you
Has compensated for all the losses I suffered without you

And your precious love and affection in my life.
I’m so happy and honoured to be called your wife!

I remember the torture of seeing couples in love and together
While I was alone, and how I prayed to God to change the weather

Conditions of the season in my cold, lonely life without love.

From nowhere, you suddenly appeared and set me free
From sadness, opression and captivity

brought on by incompleteness and loneliness.
I’ve waited so long for a love like this!

So on some nights when love becomes our souls’ glue
that joins us together and makes one of two

bodies, souls, minds and hearts,

the body rush and your heart’s voice say, “you are mine”
and together, that love and reassurance help me feel the sunshine

even if thunderclouds are in the air
or if darkness is in us, around us, eeverywhere!

I am therefore so grateful toward God above
For providing us with a way to express our love

For each other when words are not enough.

So eat your honey and drink your wine,
For I am yours only and you are mine.

Eat and drink and have your fill.
Let’s feel the joy; let time stand still

For us until dawn breaks and the shadows flee!

Then, tomorrow, when it’s daytime and you are gone
and I’m at home and so aware that I’m alone,

I’ll remember and hold on to the love we’ll make tonight …

TO ASHES FROM GLORY

The following poem is one of my poems which I wrote about two years ago while I still blogged with thoughts.com. I hope you’ll enjoy this.

Always remember that I’m still here,

whether or not you want me near!

I know your lick is not an expression of your love for me,

But that it stems from your wolfy desire to eat sheep like me,

But just remember, if ever I should lick

Your fur so warm and thick,

It won’t be meant as a plea

To let me go, to set me free …

Remember that I was and am still willing to lay down my life for you,

No matter how much you may hurt me by what you say or do.

I forgave you in the past, so I can do it again

although this whole thing drives me totally insane!

If I can find the key to letting you go,

My belief in and commitment to God will oblige me to do so …

Although I won’t dare just yet to reach out a helping hand,

I’m still the only one  trying to understand

why you’re doing what you’re doing and your side of the story

or why you chose to fall into ashes from glory!

while everyone else is discussing you and gossipping about you.

I know you can live without me and I without you.

and it’s best if we never ever meet in this life again,

because maybe that’d cause either one or both of us pain …

YOU SAID

You said there are no conditions to your love for me,
and that, if I want to talk, I should feel free,
yet, whenever I tell you what’s on my heart,
an argument or a fight you’d start.

You said I must discuss my problems first with you,
and you always yelled at me if I failed to,
always criticising and attacking me before
sweeping in front of your own door!

Gradually, I’ve hidden myself from you more and more,
and now, when you knock on my heart’s door,
I talk to you through a window or a keyhole
to keep you from pronouncing your biased judgments over my life and soul …