INSOMNIA

I’m lying awake in the middle of the night
with so many things on my mind
all at the same time.
Just like school children talking at once,
hoping to get the teacher’s undivided attention.

Wait children! Wait!
We all have a story,
but everything happened once upon a time,
not twice together!

Like someone in a library scanning books,
looking for something interesting to read,
I scan through the shelves of my mind,
looking for a thought worth focusing on,
and the one about you is the one I retrieve.

You with your blue eyes,
your calm voice,
your traumatised soul …
Is it a sin for me
to want to pull you closer,
just to reassure you:
everything’s gonna be okay,
although I really don’t know for sure.

I want to do to you
exactly as one song says:
tell you sweet little lies
to take the pain away.
But the thing is that you’d know
I’m just lying to make you feel better.
After all, you’re no kid anymore …

I can’t sleep …
I can’t sleep!
You’re on my mind now,
all the time,
non-stop,

and the thought of you
brings many tears to my eyes,
because I hate seeing you like this.
I have insomnia tonight …
I’m wasted … for you …

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GLUE

«wARNING!!! THE CONTENT OF THIS POEM IS NOT FOR THE OVERLY SENSITIVE, CLOSED-MINDED, OR SELF-RIGHTEOUS!!!

All the time I spent in holy matrimony with you
Has compensated for all the losses I suffered without you

And your precious love and affection in my life.
I’m so happy and honoured to be called your wife!

I remember the torture of seeing couples in love and together
While I was alone, and how I prayed to God to change the weather

Conditions of the season in my cold, lonely life without love.

From nowhere, you suddenly appeared and set me free
From sadness, opression and captivity

brought on by incompleteness and loneliness.
I’ve waited so long for a love like this!

So on some nights when love becomes our souls’ glue
that joins us together and makes one of two

bodies, souls, minds and hearts,

the body rush and your heart’s voice say, “you are mine”
and together, that love and reassurance help me feel the sunshine

even if thunderclouds are in the air
or if darkness is in us, around us, eeverywhere!

I am therefore so grateful toward God above
For providing us with a way to express our love

For each other when words are not enough.

So eat your honey and drink your wine,
For I am yours only and you are mine.

Eat and drink and have your fill.
Let’s feel the joy; let time stand still

For us until dawn breaks and the shadows flee!

Then, tomorrow, when it’s daytime and you are gone
and I’m at home and so aware that I’m alone,

I’ll remember and hold on to the love we’ll make tonight …

TO ASHES FROM GLORY

The following poem is one of my poems which I wrote about two years ago while I still blogged with thoughts.com. I hope you’ll enjoy this.

Always remember that I’m still here,

whether or not you want me near!

I know your lick is not an expression of your love for me,

But that it stems from your wolfy desire to eat sheep like me,

But just remember, if ever I should lick

Your fur so warm and thick,

It won’t be meant as a plea

To let me go, to set me free …

Remember that I was and am still willing to lay down my life for you,

No matter how much you may hurt me by what you say or do.

I forgave you in the past, so I can do it again

although this whole thing drives me totally insane!

If I can find the key to letting you go,

My belief in and commitment to God will oblige me to do so …

Although I won’t dare just yet to reach out a helping hand,

I’m still the only one  trying to understand

why you’re doing what you’re doing and your side of the story

or why you chose to fall into ashes from glory!

while everyone else is discussing you and gossipping about you.

I know you can live without me and I without you.

and it’s best if we never ever meet in this life again,

because maybe that’d cause either one or both of us pain …

YOU SAID

You said there are no conditions to your love for me,
and that, if I want to talk, I should feel free,
yet, whenever I tell you what’s on my heart,
an argument or a fight you’d start.

You said I must discuss my problems first with you,
and you always yelled at me if I failed to,
always criticising and attacking me before
sweeping in front of your own door!

Gradually, I’ve hidden myself from you more and more,
and now, when you knock on my heart’s door,
I talk to you through a window or a keyhole
to keep you from pronouncing your biased judgments over my life and soul …

CRYING WITH YOU

To my friend and sister in the spirit who lost someone who loved her and whom she loved last Saturday night.

I know your sorrow, because I too can feel it.
I see your pain, and I wish I could heal it.
I know you’ve been sighing, because I’m sighing too.
I know you’ve been crying, because I’m crying with you.

I’ve never been where you are now,
yet I can genuinely carry your burden somehow.
So then, except that you’re in my thoughts and prayers,
I want you to know: there’s someone who cares.

What I have to offer you isn’t all that smart,
but at least, it’s no cliche and it’s meant from my heart …

STANDING STRONG

A fresh poem from the bottom of my heart to my husband who has to make some very difficult choices and take some drastic steps to manage during this difficult time we’re facing together.

My love, I know you feel like a piece of trash
when things don’t work out for us as you want it to,
when you’re out of plans as to what to do,
and it seems as if you’re being led to a carcrash.

I understand that, although we know this is due to circumstances
and things we cannot really control,
the worry it brings feeds on our energy and the sobriety of the soul,
and life seems like a constant gamble having to take chances.

Nevertheless, I believe we’ll make it through this bumpy ride
of life if we keep on doing our best
and trust in God to do the rest.
So let’s keep moving, side by side,
trusting in a Higher hand and standing strong: together, united..

THE TWO SIDES TO YOU

From the outside, You appear to some so boring and dead,
With only empty promises to offer of new life, healing, and daily bread.
You appear from outside as a green apple so sour,
or as someone watching us from afar with no power.

Some say You’re a bully not worthy to please;
creating to destroy, promoting violence, not peace.

To some, Your precepts are just another man-made system governing people’s behaviour,
because to them, You’re non-existent, so there’s no need for a saviour.
No need to repent and live a pure life,.
They say that following You is just another way to cause strife.
For there are those from inside who only talk to outsiders about Hellfire,
thinking that this will ultimately lead them to start to desire
to love You, to honour You, and to hold You dear,
while all this really does is to manipulate people by fear.

But when I stepped inside years ago to seewhat it’s like in there,
I found Your countenance to be both holy and fair.
I discovered that your Word truly is a lamp to my feet.
Your presence became to my spirit manna so sweet.
It brinngs joy and comfort to my soul.
It empowers, restores, clenses,and makes whole.
Being in You is so very pleasing to the heart.
Reflecting on Your works makes one exclaim, “How great thou art.”

No longer do I follow You only to avoid the fire of Hell anymore.
Bing with you forever is what I’m living for.

My desire for others is to want to know the loving, compassionate You,
so that they would want to voluntarily follow You too …